What do you want???

I really believe everyone needs to struggle with this question. For me, it changes based on the season or phase of my life. When I was in HS, I wanted to get into college, do well on my SATs and ACTs. In college, it was to get good grades and figure out my major and in the midst of all that, try to grow spiritually. After, I really wanted to find a good job that’ll allow me to stay near CFC while being able to provide for some financial needs for my family and my loans.

These days, I just really WANT to know my 5 to 10 year plan for my life. That is what I WANT to know the most. Yet in the midst of lots of ‘ personal sighs’ and ‘prayer signs,’ I am seeing how AMAZING this is for this season of my life. I am, since a long time, so content and thankful that I can serve the Lord as a single. I can definitely see why Apostle Paul really delighted in his singleness. I am able to focus and concentrate on the people I serve and don’t really have too much other concerns.

But, as I think about my future, whether it is vocationally or marriage, I’ve recently been convicted that more than wanting to know when and where and how things will happen in my life… I must really WANT Jesus more than anything. I mean, you can always “say” that it is what you “want.” But, what I mean is like… really REALLYYYYYY wanting the Lord.

I think it’s the deep realization and confession that though marriage is great and though figuring out life decisions is awesome, it STILL won’t compare to a nice monday morning devotion with Jesus. Or that moment of prayer and reflection walking on a nice sunny day. Or the occasional need to repent as the gloomy skies and light drizzle reminds you of your selfishness that day…

It’s a weird feeling.

I can really say now that marriage or knowing what I will do in my life will not be as satisfying as what I have in Jesus.

haha. So this is what the Bible means when it says that whether I am in need or want, Jesus is the strength of my heart. I guess I see it now a little bit more clearly.

It’s definitely a freeing feeling. I no longer feel bound by circumstance or the unknown. I guess this is one of the great implications of being “in Christ.”