I’ll do whatever to get what I want

So what?

One day, it’s THIS and then a week after, it’s THAT!

This month it’s that person, then later THAT person.

 

I’m tired of living to get whatever I want. It sucks.

woah, calm down sean.

Okay okay.

 

Today is one of those days I spent yelling, LOORRRRRDDDDDDDDDDDDDDDDD! Why am I like this? Why do I keep seeking for the same things that won’t reconcile anything in my life?!

If I could. If I really could… I just want to take my WHOLE life and just hand it over to GOD.

NO restraints, NO turning back. Taking everything that comes with The Package. My life was a package deal when I became His.

Happiness, Joy, Success, Security, Comfort, Peace are not what I am to expect. At least not in the way I perceive it. Or the way I want it. And sometimes, I just think I got it right. I think I really know what is GOOD for me.

But, God’s plans are bigger. God’s future and hope for me is FAR greater. AND, my plans? My plans “may” work out. It “may” give me what I want. But I’m way too risk averse for that kind of gamble. The future, marriage, career, what to do with my life… are far too big for me to handle. I NEVER want to look BACK on my life and regret. And the solution to not having any regret is TRUSTING in GOD. And moving forward with Trust versus Fear. The Christian is one that is courageous, not fearful. Choices made based on Fear is never a good one. But one that is with Trust, it will bring fruit for the Kingdom.

I’m just ranting now.

This insatiable desire to get what I want has become idolatry. I must kill it before it kills me. I see it alive. It’s moving and working. Always planning and scheming.

So today is one of those days I HATE this idol and want to tear it down!!

Help me to cry out to You. To seek after You. I need You.