Coram Deo

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Do you really love me?

November 9, 2009 at 1:52 am · Filed under relationships and tagged:

I got inspired to do this from random readings and been thinking about how i need to be more proactive in really showing love to others. [1 c. 13] I guess you could use this for romantic interests but i think it’ll work for anyone you are really trying to be a blessing to. I’m sure its not comprehensive so if you have MORE suggestions lemme know, I would love to make a COMPLETE list :P

1. Details matter

Take notes if you have to, esp  if you don’t have good memory. What kind of coffee do they like to drink? What’s their favorite color? Do they enjoy a nice walk after an exam or a trip to cocomero to relieve some stress? Do they love the security found in silence or the comfort of chatter? The details, most would say, are everything! It declares, I love you and like you so much that I care about what you enjoy – I care about what will put that smile on your face… forever. Jesus, in the midst of the huge crowd, sees that one lady who had been sick for many years. Love is in the details.

2. Thoughtful interruptions

The old skoolers of love handled this through letters placed in their loved ones’ favorite book they read every night or secretly putting it in their purse. Some use post it notes. But these days, I think we can have thoughtful interruptions by sending them a text or an email whenever we think about them. We interrupt their world by reminding them that “Hey, I’m thinking of you and wondering how you are doing.” A simple act of kindness go a long way! But a word of caution to those who lack the noon-choy (noon-chi), make sure these are “thoughtful” interruptions or they might just become an INTERRUPTION that is annoying. You want to come off caring and cute, not contriving and careless. Jesus, stops by the well and interrupts a woman who needs to know that she is loved.

3.  Love in the mundane

A dozen roses (or her fav flower) on Valentine’s day. A romantic home cooked meal and her favorite movie on her birthday. Christmas gifts, Anniversary presents and so on, these are important days to remember and put some love into. However, how about the other 360 days of the year? The mundane Monday or Thursday. It is a good idea to show that you care in times where there is no “significance” or in my eyes, no pressure to give the BEST gift. As you are living your daily life, find ways to show that there are moments in a day that captures our breath away and share it with them. You know she loves McDonald’s ice cream, so pick one up by the one that you pass by everyday. You know he likes words of affirmation so don’t wait until a “Day” to tell him, tell him on a random Wednesday night. You know she has been eyeing those kicks every time you go to mall, buy it for her EVEN before it’s her birthday! We often wait too long or find an occasion to say I LOVE YOU or that I appreciate you. Life is short. Show love any chance you get! With most people, it really isn’t a money issue. It just requires the combination of points 1 & 2 and expressing it on any day. ANY. Jesus, during one of the dinners, knelt down and washed his disciples’ feet because he knew his time on earth will end soon.

4. Spur of the moment surprises that are planned

Spontaneity is a lost art in this busy and schedule everything lifestyle. If you ever want to do anything, it always has to be planned. And if you don’t, you will come off sloppy and just uninterested. Yet, if you do try to do something in the moment, the restaurant might be full or the dessert place might be closed or you’ll just be waiting for a very long time. It can get pretty awkward. However, boys and girls, there is a way out of this while saving two lovers with one slice of wit! It’s called “Planned Spontaneity.” (Are you taking notes?) This requires a little bit of planning and creativity but the results I heard are worth it! So, if you are planning to go out on a saturday night, you would make reservations at a few places that you think your person would like. I would do 2 safe locations that you know she likes and one reservation at a place she might go for if she is feeling adventurous. Then, after you pick her up, give her some options and be SPONTANEOUS! You could even place reservations for an activity and a restaurant and a dessert place or cafe. You don’t always need to eat at the same restaurant for the entree and dessert and coffee :) How cool would you look if you walked into a restaurant that she WANTED to go to and that she PICKED and though it was packed, you walk right in because you made a reservation! I often think about the time when Jesus told the disciples to go and feed the multitude of people that were following him. I think he knew that the disciples wouldn’t know how to do that and yet he was spontaneous and surprised everyone by his miracle. How cool it would have been to walk around and gather exactly 12 baskets of bread after everyone had enough to eat!

5.  Note moments of eternity

Take a picture. Journal. Save a memory item, a receipt or ticket stub. There will be many moments in a friendship or relationship, but only a few glimpses of eternity. Those are the ones you want to remember! In any relationship, there will be struggles and challenges but the most important thing is to focus on these “Moments of Eternity” to remind you that it’s all well worth it. A picture of the bench where you had THAT conversation. Saving a piece of memory from your first date. These are moments that will stay with your relationship forever. They are milestones of love. They show growth and faithfulness of the relationship. Guys especially are not good with this so remember to think 40-50 years ahead and make an effort to care about the history and future of your relationship. All throughout the OT, the people of God would set up memory stones to remind them of God’s faithfulness to them. They were to teach the next generation as they recalled these milestones of God’s goodness to them, often in the midst of hardships.

I would have to say, in my life up until now, there is one lesson that I have to keep reminding myself: Love is not true love unless it is the way they want to be loved. I may have the greatest intentions but that kind of love falls short. Through small groups and different ministries, I’m learning how true the words of Jesus are, “Love others as they would want to be loved.”

It’s just crazy amazing how GOD can show every single person in the world that He loves them in a very specific and authentic way.

Teach me your ways :)

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How do you find love?

November 26, 2008 at 3:38 pm · Filed under relationships and tagged: , , , ,

love-is-making-smile
I randomly read an article called “Eyes Wide Open: How Do You Find Love?” By Amy Bloom. I thought it gave an interesting perspective I never thought about before.
Though this is quite long, I think it’s worth the read:
“…if I want a love that lasts, I better know why this bundle suits me so well. At first, one loves the faults because they are part of the whole adorable love package. She is a sweet and tenderhearted creature, and her inability to ask for a raise, hail a cab, or defend herself from her unpleasant mother are all part of her sweetness. Of course, someday when you’re standing in the rain with your armful of packages and ask her to flag that cab across the street and she says, winsomely, “Oh, darling, I just couldn’t—it’s so…aggressive”—it will be less adorable.
He is determined and unswerving, which is great; he is also hardheaded and heedless. As much as you like the former, you better be comfortable with the latter as well. Understanding why is worthwhile, and usually involves a quick review of parents. Whether or not they had a wonderful marriage you hope to emulate or a disaster you hope to avoid, it’s helpful to know which parent you identified with and which parent’s part you want to play. I think the biggest mistake I’ve seen in clients and friends and myself is acting on half an understanding: “I don’t want to marry my selfish father; look how unhappy he made my sweet mother,” sounds like a reasonable, even psychologically astute position, and an awful lot of people (including me) marry their nice mothers (or their nice fathers; bullies come in both genders) and think they’ve protected themselves. All I can say is: Not so fast, Shorty.”
And the article goes on to say that when choosing a person or committing to a relationship, you must understand that all people have faults and we can’t assume that we can change the other. Further, you must take the good with all the bad. And this is the point I wanted to highlight because I thought it was so very helpful- you take the good WITH the bad in a relationship.
I must first admit when I was in undergrad (which was about 10 years ago), I wanted someone who can cook and be administrative and blah blah blah. First of all, instead of waiting for someone to cook, I just learned how to cook for myself. Second, if you really want good food, you can just go buy it! Third, one can always learn how to be more structured or this or that way. There is nothing too permanent in life, especially in America… you can always learn and work hard for it.
Furthermore, I always wanted someone who is “holy.” Yes, of course, all men and women should pursue someone who is following Christ. However, it is another thing to presume that “holiness” is a character trait. Biblically, holiness is progression and the direction one pursues. Is the person making choices toward the direction of loving Jesus? That is the essence of the condition of faith.
So, we need to be careful what we are looking for spiritually? Our spirituality must be biblically rooted, not culturally defined. Meaning, every church has a culture. And each church culture has a notion of what “spiritually” looks like. (Don’t hear what I am not saying, I’m not saying that this is bad yet we must discern) We must exercise caution that one is not culturally spiritual but biblically spiritual. Is there a genuine relationship with Jesus? Or is it culturally driven?

There is one truth of God that I am reminded of these days- God is not a magical genie! God is not someone who needs to tell you, “who the one is?” or “what your future will hold.” Of course, God may decide to give you that but to most of us, He teaches us how to discern that as we grow in our minds, hearts and actions toward godliness. At the end, we must think and choose… trusting that God is working for His glory through our choices. And as we think and choose, we must depend on the Holy Spirit and His Word to guide us. Lastly, our motives must be for the maximum glory of God not our own plans and desires.
So, how do you find love?
I’m not sure yet :P But, I trust in the wisdom of Scripture and the guidance of God in the choices I make. And I pray that all my choices will contribute toward the expansion of God’s Kingdom.

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